Chapter 15

In this position, she couldn't get any leverage. She was lying completely on top of Bai Jin, her chin digging into Bai Jin's collarbone, and for a moment, she felt dizzy.

"Bai Jin, what are you doing?!"

A pampered young lady wouldn't hold back; at the slightest discomfort, she'd cry out.

Before Bai Jin could speak, Gu Nianxi's accusations came tumbling down: "If you don't explain yourself today, I'll... I'll..."

"What will you do, sister?"

Bai Jin's voice was unreadable—neither happy nor angry—but it certainly wasn't a concession.

Gu Nianxi's tears fell again, unbidden. When Bai Jin had pulled her close, she'd felt a flicker of joy—it meant Bai Jin still cared, still wanted to be friends. But thinking that way felt too pathetic, and Gu Nianxi refused to dwell on it. She frantically tried to hypnotize herself: Bai Jin was nothing special, just a person, someone who'd been kind to her for a mere two months. If she left, she left—what was there to be sad about?

But Gu Nianxi couldn't help it. Before, she hadn't known how bitter loneliness could be; she'd endured it alone, and it passed. When she truly couldn't bear it anymore, death would have been an end to it all.

But Bai Jin had smiled at her, cared for her, treated her not just as a person but as someone wonderful, and Gu Nianxi couldn't handle that.

She knew she was greedy. She wanted everything—wanted Bai Jin to be good to her, wanted Bai Jin to be good to her forever. How could such a thing exist in this world? It had been clear from the start: Bai Jin only wanted to be her friend for a month. No matter how good something was, she'd only give it for a month. Now it had been extended to two, but still, there was a time limit. Once it was up, it would be taken back.

But it hurt so much—her heart felt like it had a hole in it, bleeding endlessly. The more Gu Nianxi thought, the more wronged she felt, and her tears wouldn't stop. She clutched Bai Jin's clothes tightly, her eyes fierce yet pleading, her falling tears soaking the front of Bai Jin's shirt.

"Then... I don't want you anymore!"

She spoke with fierce determination, her emotions pacing like a trapped beast. She both hoped Bai Jin could see her heart through her eyes, and hoped she never would—let her be alone, just like in her previous life, with nothing given to her at all!

Bai Jin remained silent. Through her tear-blurred vision, Gu Nianxi couldn't make out her expression.

A great fear seized her heart. They seemed to be treading the same path as their past lives, drifting apart after a brief intersection.

Was this fate? Gu Nianxi's hot tears streamed down. Was this the damnable fate? Was it from the moment they were switched at birth... no, from the day they were born, were they destined to be swept into a whirlpool of entanglements and pain?

"Why?" she asked, trembling, her hand gripping Bai Jin's collar, as if asking her, or murmuring to herself: "Why are you still so cruel to me this time?"

Bai Jin looked at her face.

Her eyes were burning too.

Bai Jin thought, Am I cruel?

Cruel this time, but was there a previous time?

How much bitterness and resentment had she made her taste? How many tears had she made her shed?

But at first, hadn't she wanted to protect her? The first time she saw Gu Nianxi—her bright, unrestrained, radiant face—hadn't she thought she wanted to protect this person?

Why, in the end, had it become her who made her cry so hard?

Greed, anger, obsession, love, hate, separation—Bai Jin couldn't understand it, she truly couldn't.

She'd thought herself clever, but now she couldn't see into her own heart, nor the road ahead or fate, and she didn't even know how to treat Gu Nianxi.

Was distancing herself from Gu Nianxi because she feared hurting her, or to protect herself? Was she always making selfish choices?

She'd thought Gu Nianxi would get used to it, and she would too... But just one day, and the defenses she'd forced herself to build crumbled and fell in Gu Nianxi's tears.

Now that things had come to this, was she satisfied? No...

She pulled Gu Nianxi tightly into her arms and said hoarsely, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

She'd been wrong. This distance was fatal to Gu Nianxi as well—she'd hurt her again.

Gu Nianxi sobbed uncontrollably: "Don't avoid me anymore. I don't even know why you're ignoring me. Why am I always kept in the dark? What did you find out? Who's trying to harm you? Tell me, tell me... I was wrong. I lied that day. You're my only friend. I don't want you to leave. You're not allowed to be unkind to me—not even a little bit!"

"Stop... It won't happen again."

Bai Jin thought, I've never been good to her.

Gu Nianxi didn't know the filthy thoughts Bai Jin harbored when she approached her—how she coveted her body day and night, and now sought her soul.

On the surface, she'd only been a little more attentive, said a few nice words, offered some shallow care—who couldn't do that? Anyone could.

But even that small kindness, for seventeen years, no one in her life had been willing to give her, making her treasure that bit of sweetness like a precious gem...

Her fingers threaded through Gu Nianxi's hair.

She'd learned many things from Butler Ye.

For instance, Gu Nianxi had once brought home a puppy, cherished it for a year, and Gu Hongzhuo poisoned it.

Xiao An, the maid who'd always looked after her, had originally been slated to be sent away by Jiang Man.

And the unreasonable confinements, the belittled hobbies...

She had grown from such a cold, barren, love-starved soil, yet miraculously bloomed into such a strong, vivid, brilliant flower—how could one not fall in love with her?

"I'm sorry," she said.

Gu Nianxi's tears soaked her clothes again. Feeling the warmth on her shoulder, Bai Jin lowered her eyes and spoke slowly, as if swearing an oath: "It won't be like this again."

Gu Nianxi needed her, and she needed Gu Nianxi... So let it be. At least until her intentions were exposed, they could still embrace like friends.

As for what would happen after it was exposed...

Let it go. Even if it didn't come to that, didn't she still not know what to do?

"Really?" Gu Nianxi rested her chin on her shoulder and settled fully into her lap. She didn't know what such intimate contact meant to Bai Jin. Bai Jin felt the weight of Gu Nianxi's thighs and forced herself to focus on what Gu Nianxi was saying.

Gu Nianxi grabbed Bai Jin's collar. "You have to swear..."

"I swear," Bai Jin said.

Gu Nianxi suddenly lifted her head from Bai Jin's shoulder and looked at her, her gaze fierce, like a starving little beast biting down on someone's pant leg and refusing to let go: "Say it again!"

"I promise nothing like this will happen again." Bai Jin's light-colored eyes fixed steadily on Gu Nianxi.

Gu Nianxi still couldn't read her gaze. But with the promise, she felt somewhat reassured, and pressed her advantage: "Then tell me, why were you avoiding me?"

Before Bai Jin could answer, she thought it over again: "Is it because you don't like being stared at while sketching? Or did you find something about the Cheng family? Or..."

She suddenly paused.

She remembered Bai Jin's adoptive parents. Had Bai Jin discovered that they'd been murdered? But that shouldn't have happened until after the coming-of-age ceremony...

Had her butterfly effect made things happen earlier again?

Bai Jin saw her eyes wandering and gently patted her back. "It's not your fault."

"Then what is it?" Gu Nianxi asked.

Soon she backtracked: "Forget it, you don't have to tell me—"

"I was scared," Bai Jin said.

She lowered her head, avoiding Gu Nianxi's gaze. "Sister, you're my only friend too. I'm the one who asked to be friends earlier. I was afraid you'd get tired of me, annoyed, and one day stop liking me, and go back to the way we were before."

Gu Nianxi remembered the first month Bai Jin had been at the Gu residence, and her heart skipped a beat: "I'm sorry, I was wrong..."

"No need to apologize. Actually, I like it when you bully me," Bai Jin said. "Sister is cute when she bullies people."

Gu Nianxi was stunned.

"But now that I know what it's like when sister is nice to people, I don't want to go back to how it was before. Because I'm so afraid you'll hate me, I thought... I'd keep my distance first." Bai Jin's hand slid down Gu Nianxi's back and lightly hooked a lock of her hanging hair. "I just wanted you to come comfort me. I was wrong. I didn't mean to make you cry."

Was that the reason?

Gu Nianxi's face flushed, then paled; she didn't know what to say.

Her intuition told her Bai Jin was lying. But putting herself in Bai Jin's shoes, she found it was something she might do.

"You made me so sad!" In anger, she slapped Bai Jin's collarbone, the sound crisp and sharp, startling even herself.

Bai Jin didn't seem to mind, but having Gu Nianxi sitting on her lap like this was truly hard to bear. She still kept her head down: "Sister, can you forgive me?"

"In your dreams." Gu Nianxi's emotions soared and plummeted; her eyes were still red, but a smile had already crept onto her face. She cupped Bai Jin's face with both hands and forced her head up to look at her. "You have to make it up to me."

"...What does sister want me to do?"

Gu Nianxi thought for a moment. "My works are being exhibited in September. Will you come to the opening ceremony?"

"I was going to come anyway. That doesn't count as compensation."

"Then you can make me coffee for ten days?"

"Aren't I already making your coffee now?"

"Then..." Gu Nianxi was at a loss, unable to think of what to ask Bai Jin to do, when she heard her say:

"How about I give you a house, sister?"