Volunteer: If I go there, would you miss me?

Jiang Xu lay awake for a long time, listening to the soft, steady rhythm of Liang Xiaoqing's breathing above her head. She stirred slightly, carefully extricating herself from Liang Xiaoqing's embrace.

Xiaoqing had fallen asleep. At the slightest movement, the arm wrapped around her slackened and fell away. Jiang Xu moved with both caution and a pounding heart.

Moonlight spilled through the window, casting a soft, shadowed glow over Liang Xiaoqing's face. Only in this light, it seemed, could Jiang Xu look at her openly, without pretense or concealment.

She propped herself up a little, studying Liang Xiaoqing's sleeping face. Tracing her features with her eyes wasn't enough; her hunger grew, demanding a closer look. Her gaze drifted down the gentle line of Liang Xiaoqing's nose to her small, full lips, and Jiang Xu's head grew dizzy, her face lowering inch by inch.

"Xiaoqing jie," she murmured, her trembling fingers brushing Liang Xiaoqing's cheek. "You..." A sudden ache seized her. "Can you not get married? Can we live together forever?" Jiang Xu felt that in the future she wouldn't be as powerless as she was now. The future held promise, and she desperately wanted to grow up quickly—then the problems before her would cease to be problems.

Liang Xiaoqing couldn't hear her, but Jiang Xu still wanted to tell her. She gently tucked a strand of hair behind Liang Xiaoqing's ear, yet her fingers refused to leave that face.

She had become this way for no reason she could name.

Before, she'd found it annoying when Liang Xiaoqing touched her face. Subconsciously, she'd lumped Liang Xiaoqing with everyone else she'd met—those who offered pity. What good was pity? She'd still be floundering in the mud, unable to rise.

Then she learned there were people like Liang Xiaoqing in the world—someone willing to pull her from the mire, to give her a second chance. There probably weren't many like Liang Xiaoqing. Jiang Xu had speculated endlessly about her motives, suspecting impurity, but she could never deny this truth.

She was grateful to Liang Xiaoqing. She craved her closeness. When she grew up, she would repay her.

As Liang Xiaoqing had joked, she could even be her "mother"—only a mother would go this far. But Jiang Xu had grown greedier. She wanted a more intimate bond between them. She no longer resisted Liang Xiaoqing's touches; instead, she reveled in physical contact.

Of course, it wasn't the respect and gratitude a junior should feel for an elder. She wanted to touch Liang Xiaoqing's face like this, even more intimately. She craved it fiercely, suppressed it, yet knew these feelings were twisted and abnormal.

No one would tolerate such feelings. She didn't know if this version of herself would make Liang Xiaoqing uncomfortable. She even wanted to do far more unspeakable things to her.

After long hesitation and confusion, she finally understood her place.

Not everyone had to live by the same script. Not everyone's personality was the same.

Jiang Xu kept reproaching herself, pressing these thoughts into a lightless crevice. They would only bring her trouble and besmirch Xiaoqing jie's reputation.

But... but...

Living day in and day out with the one she loved—how could she hold back?

For an instant, her mind went blank. When she came to, she found herself nearly touching Liang Xiaoqing's lips.

Liang Xiaoqing still slept peacefully, eyes closed, not even a flutter of her lashes. Her gentle breath drifted against Jiang Xu's cheek. The old fan scattered the heat clinging to her body. Jiang Xu thought Liang Xiaoqing looked like a neat, obedient doll. The moment before contact, a chill shot up Jiang Xu's spine, and she jerked her head up.

What was she doing...?

She pulled back abruptly, accidentally brushing Liang Xiaoqing's arm in her retreat. Her heart leaped to her throat, terrified she'd woken her.

Liang Xiaoqing didn't stir.

Jiang Xu felt contemptible, unforgivable. She curled into a ball, wrapping her arms around her head, cocooned in darkness, frantically trying to digest her emotions.

She hadn't meant to. She didn't want to do this to Xiaoqing jie.

She just... just...

Was bewitched.

The chirping of insects outside numbed Jiang Xu's consciousness. Amid waves of guilt, drowsiness crept in. Instinctively, she sought warmth in Liang Xiaoqing's arms.

Then a jolt of alarm shocked her awake. In a fluster, she slipped out of bed, groped her way to Liang Xiaoqing's bed, and lay down quietly.

Her eyes were moist, glistening in the dark like shattered crystals.

She felt disgusted with herself. Even more, she couldn't tolerate anyone approaching Xiaoqing jie with such transparent motives.

The bed carried Liang Xiaoqing's scent. Curled up on it, she was enveloped by that fragrance completely—as if Xiaoqing jie were holding her from behind.

She shuddered again at her own shameful thoughts, silently closing her eyes, waiting for sleep to come.

The fan whirred on, tireless. The room was utterly still, making the old creaking sound all the louder.

There was movement on the bed. In her deep sleep, Liang Xiaoqing turned over, her back to Jiang Xu.

Jiang Xu had bizarre dreams. In one, her face twisted, demanding something of a weeping person whose face she couldn't see. In another, Liang Xiaoqing coldly told her to get out, and no matter how she begged, Liang Xiaoqing wouldn't relent.

She also dreamed of Liang Xiaoqing in a pristine white wedding gown, her brows and eyes brimming with smiles.

"...huh... hah..."

It felt like a hand was squeezing Jiang Xu's throat, forcing her eyes open.

The room had faded to a pale hue; she could make out her surroundings. Jiang Xu paused, then realized she'd been dreaming. A wave of palpitations hit her—if everything in that dream came true, would she be abandoned by Liang Xiaoqing too...?

Liang Xiaoqing had abandoned her before. Jiang Xu remembered it clearly. She wasn't the kind of child who could curry favor, or coax advantages from adults. There were many people in this world, but only one Jiang Xu.

And so Liang Xiaoqing was only Liang Xiaoqing. No one could ever take her place in Jiang Xu's heart. It was like a kind of imprinting—Liang Xiaoqing was the one she leaned on.

Apart from Liang Xiaoqing, she would never be abandoned by anyone.

Of course, she would remember that feeling.

She steadied her breathing, staring at the ceiling, its mottled plaster yellowed with age. Her vision sharpened from blur, and the warmth of the bed calmed her.

From outside came the barking of dogs and the crowing of roosters.

Everything was awakening from the night.

Jiang Xu hadn't slept well all night; she felt exhausted. She sat up in bed and saw the sky had turned a hazy gray. It was light, but not fully. By their usual schedule, she and Liang Xiaoqing would still sleep a while longer. Jiang Xu changed out of her pajamas and got up. Liang Xiaoqing was still asleep; she didn't want to disturb her, so she circled to the other side of the bed and adjusted the alarm clock.

Today was Saturday; no need to get up so early. If Xiaoqing jie wanted to sleep more, let her.

She didn't make breakfast as she usually did.

Clearly, she had something more important to do.

She left the room, careful even when lifting the curtain, truly not wanting to wake Liang Xiaoqing.

In the living room, she glanced around and remembered Yang Man's words.

Yesterday, that man had come to the house and brought things for Xiaoqing jie.

Every second he'd spent in this room, every place he'd sat, was unbearable to Jiang Xu. She nearly obsessively imagined it, and that imagination wounded her, piercing her heart.

She knew every object in the house, knew where everything belonged. So the one thing that was out of place, plainly not belonging here, caught her eye instantly.

It was that brown bag.

Tucked in a corner, forlorn, noticed by no one.

Jiang Xu felt the suffocation of the whole night finally find an outlet. She walked over, picked up the large bag, and headed outside.

The outside was still quiet. In the distance, mountains undulated, cut off by a gray line. The morning breeze was chilly, raising goosebumps on Jiang Xu's arms.

She wore a short-sleeved shirt and long pants, her stray bangs scattered by the wind as she carried the brown bag a long way. It was clear the bag had been carefully chosen. At the largest garbage dump in Shuiqing Town, a swarm of flies buzzed around. In the hot weather, if the trash weren't dealt with, the stench of fermentation would spread, and no one wanted to linger there.

People would even pinch their noses as they passed.

Jiang Xu's face was pale, with dark circles under her eyes from a sleepless night. She endured the foul odor and tossed the brown bag into the pile.

Her heart felt much lighter.

Those things didn't belong in the house. Liang Xiaoqing didn't need them and never cared about such things.

The bag would be buried under other trash, eventually burned to ashes.

The sky brightened, and the wind carried the warmth of the sun. It wasn't so cold anymore. Jiang Xu walked slowly along the road at first, then her steps grew lighter.

She wanted to hurry back and make breakfast before Liang Xiaoqing woke up.

That way, when Liang Xiaoqing woke, she'd ruffle her hair and call her a "good child."

The last semester of ninth grade flew by, time slipping like water. One day, the sun blazed, and the pace of study truly entered its final stage. The class atmosphere grew tense; even the usually restless, fidgety students sat quietly at their desks, working on problems.

The leaves outside were bright green under the sun. The afternoons were muggier, and the ceiling fans overhead weren't enough to relieve the heat of dozens of people packed together. Jiang Xu's seat was by the window, in a corner, so she couldn't even catch the fan's breeze; the faint draft was barely better than nothing, and not as pleasant as the occasional wind from outside.

Her back was drenched in sweat, and the cicadas were maddeningly loud, but she didn't mind. She just focused on the test paper in her hands. If a cool breeze blew even slightly, she'd be content.

Xiaoqing jie had said that a calm heart brings its own cool.

Her thoughts flowed sharp and smooth as she wrote. Jiang Xu seemed to forget time, entering a state of flow. In recent days, other matters had drained her energy, so it was rare to find such stillness.

The scratching of pen on paper only deepened her focus. At this final stage, practice tests were the main priority—this math class was no exception, with everyone assigned a paper. Continuous drilling, writing, and explaining—all to get students used to the exam rhythm and build their sense for questions.

Halfway through, Yang Man came to the class, taking up a bit of time. She had the class monitor and the study committee member hand out the preference forms. "Hand them in by Friday," Yang Man said, then told them not to waste time and get back to the papers.

The forms were passed from front to back. The atmosphere of focused work dissolved; students glanced around, whispering about which school to choose. The classroom buzzed with chatter until the math teacher, who'd been studying a paper at the podium, looked up sternly and told them to quiet down.

"Discuss your choices after class. Now, back to the papers. I'll collect them at the end of the period, so hurry up."

The teacher's authority silenced the room. After a brief stir, everyone resumed writing. Jiang Xu, meanwhile, hadn't been disturbed at all. She set the preference form aside, finished her paper, let out a breath, and checked her watch—fifteen minutes left. She glanced around; everyone else was still hunched over their work. Beside her, Jiang Erya was scratching her head, either stumped by a problem or something else.

Jiang Erya noticed her gaze, tilted her head, and lowered it to avoid the teacher's eye, trying to whisper to Jiang Xu. Jiang Xu pointed at her paper, mouthing, "Finished?"

Jiang Erya looked at her half-done paper, then back at Jiang Xu, who had already turned away, clearly not interested.

Jiang Erya was different from Jiang Xu—she couldn't keep anything inside; it all showed on her face. And she often got distracted mid-task, running off to do something else.

She never finished what she started. Her mother said she was a quitter, that she wasn't meant for school.

She'd barely made it to ninth grade. Her mother had tolerated her that long, then flatly declared that even if she got into high school, she wouldn't let her continue! The family needed money; she had to enter society and work early.

Jiang Erya had once considered asking Jiang Xu to get Liang Xiaoqing, Teacher Liang, to help her. Teacher Liang had visited her home several times to persuade her mother. Otherwise, she might have been forced to drop out before finishing middle school.

But she still wanted to study, so she worried whether she could even get into high school.

Jiang Xu clearly had no intention of chatting. Jiang Erya grew anxious, tore a piece of paper from her notebook, and passed a note to Jiang Xu.

The note landed on Jiang Xu's desk. She opened it and saw wobbly writing: "Jiang Xu, which high school are you applying to?"

Jiang Xu was momentarily lost in thought. It seemed like a question, and it reminded her of what Liang Xiaoqing had said.

Liang Xiaoqing wanted her to apply to the county high school.

She always listened to Liang Xiaoqing, but she thought the difference between the county high school and Shuiqing Middle School wasn't that big. Shuiqing Middle had its own senior high section, and some students had gone to college...

Of course, she couldn't share her thoughts with Jiang Erya, nor with Liang Xiaoqing.

She wrote a few characters on the note and handed it back.

Jiang Erya, seeing her serious expression, expected to read her chosen school. When she opened it, she found Jiang Xu's neat handwriting: "Hurry up and finish your paper. It's due after class."

Jiang Erya shot her a deflated look but had no choice but to put the matter aside and stumble through the rest of the test.

Jiang Xu looked out the window. Blue sky, white clouds drifting leisurely. A breeze landed on her face, carrying the scent of summer.

Suddenly, she knew what she should choose.

That evening, when they walked home, Liang Xiaoqing was waiting at the school gate as usual. As they walked, she brought up the preference form.

Liang Xiaoqing felt her long-cherished wish was about to come true, because Jiang Xu was certainly capable of getting into the county high school. She was happy for her in advance—the girl she'd pulled from the mire was steadily getting back on track.

She shared the idea she'd had long ago.

"Xu, fill in × County High. It's one of the best schools in the county." Liang Xiaoqing spoke with excitement, as if Jiang Xu had already been admitted.

In contrast, Jiang Xu was subdued: "Xiaoqing jie, do you want me to go there?"

"Of course!" Liang Xiaoqing smiled. "It's at least better than here. Xu, this is your chance—the first chance you've had to choose for yourself."

The two walked side by side down the narrow path, crossing a ridge. Fresh weeds sprouted on both sides, rustling in the wind. Liang Xiaoqing's gaze was resolute; she gripped Jiang Xu's hand firmly, stopped, looked at her, and said, "Not every chance comes with the freedom to choose. When it comes, you have to seize it."

The stars above were scattered like rain across the sky. The air smelled of fresh grass and earth. Crickets chirped in waves.

Liang Xiaoqing's eyes seemed to shine.

Jiang Xu was momentarily captivated, but the expectation in those eyes slowly pricked her heart.

Xiaoqing jie didn't care. She didn't care about her leaving, didn't care about her imagined feelings; she just wanted her to move forward, ideally never look back.

Liang Xiaoqing was smiling. Jiang Xu felt a chill in her heart, and a pang of pain. She finally realized, with painful clarity, that Xiaoqing jie's feelings toward her and her feelings toward Xiaoqing jie were completely out of alignment.

Her willingness to help didn't mean she wanted to stay with her forever.

After she left, would Xiaoqing jie live with someone else?

What worried her more: was Xiaoqing jie really going to marry someone? Just imagining that scene made Jiang Xu so miserable she couldn't bear it. She must really be "sick."

She cared about Xiaoqing jie, but Xiaoqing jie didn't care about her at all.

Between her and Liang Xiaoqing, there wasn't only the barrier of time, but also the vast gap in their lives.

Jiang Xu could only suppress such emotions. Like the ebb and flow of the tide, whenever she thought of it, she felt suffocated, looking around restlessly.

This was the first time Jiang Xu understood that loving someone brought not just sweetness, but bitterness too.

Her eyes inexplicably grew wet, glistening under the night sky.

Liang Xiaoqing noticed and leaned in to look. "Why are you crying?" She sounded incredulous.

Jiang Xu said, "If I go there, will you miss me?"

Liang Xiaoqing paused, then smiled. "Of course."

Jiang Xu's face was full of melancholy. "Then we won't be able to see each other often."

"Why do you talk like it's a farewell for life and death?" Liang Xiaoqing ruffled her hair. "You'll come back every week. It's not like you won't see me."

"..." Jiang Xu leaned into her embrace, like a little animal seeking comfort. "I'll miss you so much, Xiaoqing jie."

Liang Xiaoqing let her hold on. "...I know." She struggled slightly, creating some distance. "But Xu, you're grown up now."

"You can't be so clingy anymore." Liang Xiaoqing's brows showed a trace of worry. "When you get to high school, then college, your horizons will expand, the world will open up. I can't always be by your side. One day, you'll have to face the storms alone." As she spoke, Liang Xiaoqing walked ahead. Jiang Xu lagged behind, dazed, unable to see the momentary helplessness on Liang Xiaoqing's face.

Jiang Xu grew uneasy again. She caught up. "Then where will Xiaoqing jie go?"

Liang Xiaoqing gave her a long look...

Only the wind answered Jiang Xu's question.

Jiang Xu hastily grabbed Liang Xiaoqing's hand, as if only that could assure her she wasn't being abandoned.

Actually, she'd already decided where she wanted to go. If she had to choose, she'd pick something she wouldn't regret. Liang Xiaoqing said her world was still small, that she hadn't seen enough. But even after experiencing those "grand things," would her mind change?

Would the feeling of loving someone change so easily?

Jiang Xu didn't know how others saw it. In her heart, Liang Xiaoqing wasn't just someone she loved; she was closer than family.

No one else cared for her like this. No one else remembered her like this. Liang Xiaoqing's closest person seemed to be her. She'd never seen her visit her hometown, nor had her family come to see her.

Maybe that was why she naively believed Liang Xiaoqing was like her in some way—they shared the same undertone, both licking their wounds in private corners. They should be two people huddling together for warmth. Jiang Xu cast herself as the one closest to Liang Xiaoqing.

So she couldn't imagine, or bear, that one day someone really would take her place.

Then what would she have left?

Adolescence gave her both reckless courage and cautious hesitation. Sometimes she was more mature than adults, sometimes more childish, throwing tantrums. Sometimes she thought she was invincible, that the world couldn't spin without her.

Their feelings were abundant, their life experience shallow. But emotions were ultimately the most important thing in a person's life.

Jiang Xu had nearly stubbornly convinced herself that Liang Xiaoqing couldn't do without her either.

So when she finally made the decision she'd mulled over again and again, believing it profoundly mature, she was summoned to Yang Man's office.