Chapter 75

Qing Zhouxue met Yun Shuchen's eyes.

Yun Shuchen had been slipping down as she slept, and now happened to be pillowing her head on her disciple's thigh. After asking that question, she suddenly opened her eyes. Her expression remained gentle, but in truth she was secretly scrutinizing the other, unwilling to miss the slightest flicker of emotion on Qing Zhouxue's face.

But most of the time, her disciple's face showed no obvious fluctuation. Upon hearing this, her brows knit slightly, her eyes lowered, and she stared at her without moving or shifting.

"Master is my closest kin."

She didn't ponder long, probably thinking the question quite self-evident. "This disciple will always stay with you."

"...Kin?"

Those lovely eyes had been curved with warmth, enough to make hearts flutter, but now they widened slightly, filled with astonishment.

Closest kin, abbreviated to kin—though it was a bit odd, Qing Zhouxue felt it was probably right, and it wasn't a big problem, so she hummed hesitantly and uncertainly, wanting to hear her master's view.

Yun Shuchen suddenly straightened up, her willow brows drawing together. "Do you mean to say, that I treat you the same as your mother did?"

Perhaps because she was momentarily choked with anger, she even changed her self-address to a more imperious one.

Qing Zhouxue was momentarily stunned by her clearly off-kilter tone. "She left early. I don't know how my mother would have treated me..."

Yun Shuchen was again rendered speechless by her disciple. After a long silence, she said, "Meaning, the same as your elders?"

Her disciple grew even more bewildered at the question. "Master is inherently my elder. This... how could it be different?"

"You..." Yun Shuchen rubbed her brow, taking several breaths, her qi somewhat unsettled. "Qing Zhouxue."

Whenever her master called her full name, Qing Zhouxue instinctively straightened her back, feeling that even in the midst of all this spring light, a chill seeped into her bones.

She always knew her master's habits well—when nothing was wrong, she would call her "disciple" and "Qing'er" interchangeably; if it fell to the latter, then her mood was mostly good.

But if, as today, she enunciated each character of the full name, there was likely a big problem.

She quickly began to reflect on what she had said wrong. Expressing closeness was mostly correct, but just now she had also spoken of elders. Should she not have mentioned elders? Was it bad to highlight her seniority?

Qing Zhouxue thought this was possible. After all, her master loved to groom herself—robes of the same style but different dyes, robes of the same color but different patterns, set after set of fine jewelry, and she never stinted on rouge and powder.

Even this fondness had long since extended to Qing Zhouxue—though she mostly wore white, many pieces her master had gifted her, with white as the base, had embroidery and hidden patterns that were ethereal and free-spirited, not plain at all.

Her master could spend a full half hour just to go out, and surely she wouldn't want to be easily seen as old. Qing Zhouxue always felt she had misunderstood something, so she said softly, "Master, it's only that in status you are my elder; in truth, you look very young."

"Never mind," Yun Shuchen said, her brows and eyes slightly cold. "After all, I've taught you too little. Letting you muddle through to this age in a daze."

"A girl your age," Yun Shuchen said, "if you simply regard me as your teacher, then you shouldn't share a bed with me, hug and cling. Nor should you ask me for kisses, like kissing here and there. When bathing, you certainly cannot be in the same pool with an elder, bare before each other. You... even more, you can't suddenly in the dead of night go to..." At this point, she found it a bit hard to continue.

"...Why?" Qing Zhouxue truly heard this kind of reasoning for the first time.

"No why," Yun Shuchen flicked her sleeve and got off the bed, glancing at her. "These are worldly conventions. People have degrees of closeness and distance. Even with closeness, there should be measures."

"Worldly conventions," her disciple seemed a little dejected. "Master, on this peak there are only you and me, plus one cat. Must these still be observed?"

"Since you are still human, not yet an immortal, you cannot escape these conventions."

"But those storybooks this disciple has read," she raised her lashes, still puzzled, "why can those women hug and cling, and like each other?"

"Because..." Yun Shuchen sighed. "They have feelings of love. Among mortals, they would marry; in the cultivation world, they would become dao companions. It's not familial affection or friendship. Can you understand that?"

"But they haven't married—" the young disciple pointed out rigorously. "In the book '...', one of them was previously married to another man."

Yun Shuchen had spoken all this in one breath, originally pouring tea at the table to moisten her throat, but was again stumped by her disciple's question.

Inwardly she cursed Yue Changge for writing all sorts of inexplicable things that misled the younger generation, and the teacup in her hand suddenly cracked.

"It's just vulgar fiction anyway," she said coldly. "You should read something proper."

Yun Shuchen walked to the doorframe, tightened her hand, but did not turn back. "From today on, move out of my room. Think it over carefully, and only come tell me when you've figured it out. Don't spend your days whispering sweet words in my ear, only to say when asked that it's just master-disciple affection."

That girl was probably completely stunned, remaining silent without a word.

Yun Shuchen should have softened. After all, it was the first time she had raised a disciple; aside from guiding her in cultivation, she was almost a hands-off manager when it came to the ways of the world, letting her disciple explore on her own, thinking that at the right age she would naturally come to understand many things.

But she had indeed forgotten that her disciple was not like Ruan Mingzhu, who craved the outside world and excitement. Qing Zhouxue mostly just stayed on the peak, cultivating her own path of quietude and non-action, saying little, exuding an air of detachment and coldness.

Yun Shuchen stepped out, the spring light dazzling. Once she had completely left her disciple behind, her heart finally felt much reluctance.

She knew Qing Zhouxue would not lie; every word carried full sincerity.

Calmly thinking it over, why was she so annoyed?

Wasn't it because she herself had taken it to heart and believed it, feeling that it was about to come naturally, and then was doused with a bucket of cold water by a few words, leaving her like a performer in a one-woman show?

Moreover, there was a small secret she could hardly make public—she knew her weight in her disciple's heart, and this act subtly carried a sense of coercion.

She knew it in her heart, yet she still did it. She had used similar rhetoric in her youth, but never for matters of the heart. And even less so on a girl who didn't understand such things well.

She despised herself for it.

In the end, she was likely angry at herself.

Yun Shuchen stopped in her tracks, about to turn back to comfort her young disciple who had weathered a great storm today.

She stood long in the spring breeze, and her last shred of dignity as her master ultimately made her abandon the idea. She turned and left.

Perhaps a few days apart would be good.

As the saying goes, after clouds part, one sees the moon. Only by untangling things clearly can one see clearly.

*

That night.

Qing Zhouxue stood before the window, pushing it open, and saw that the lamp in Yun Shuchen's room had already gone out. She couldn't help but wonder—without someone to hold, would she feel cold at night?

Then she suddenly realized that spring was already deep, the weather pleasant, and the flowers were blooming into a lush, almost wanton beauty. Her master wouldn't be cold; she truly didn't need her.

She remembered the first day she came to Heyi Peak, when she chose the farthest room. She hadn't thought much of it then; she just felt that Yun Shuchen didn't seem to like her, so she wisely kept away to avoid trouble. And she remembered that night at fourteen when she again saw her emerge from seclusion, her heart lost, unsure where her path led, and she had rested in this very room.

It seemed that when idle, she would inexplicably think of her. Watching the sunrise over the river, the flowers red as her lips; seeing water winding around green mountains, it was exactly like a woman's beautiful eyes. Walking on Heyi Peak, lifting her head and accidentally catching a gentle evening glow, it resembled her clothes and solitary silhouette.

She opened her eyes to see all things in the world, but always she could recall Yun Shuchen's many colors.

Is this... love?

Qing Zhouxue walked back to the bedside and wrapped the quilt around herself. This quilt was new, taken from the wooden cabinet, carrying a faint, clean woody scent. She nestled into it, sniffing for a long time, but couldn't find a trace of familiarity.

So she naturally ended up sleepless.

She had always thought her master needed her to warm her, but it turned out she was the one who needed her master more. What Yun Shuchen had said today was truly half-understood; the more she thought, the more she tossed and turned. Finally, she lit a lamp and got up, walking all the way to the study.

She silently pushed the door open and found that Yun Shuchen was not actually asleep, but sitting in the study, arms folded, dots of spiritual light appearing before her, driving water currents to form exquisite images, floating in the air, illuminated by the lamp, shimmering like the Milky Way.

Her expression was calm as she deduced a vast and majestic hexagram. She knew Qing Zhouxue had come in, but she didn't say anything about it, only caring for her as usual. "Go to sleep soon."

"Mm."

Qing Zhouxue had wanted to say she couldn't sleep, but seeing that her master seemed not to want to chat with her, a thousand words died in that single syllable.

She only asked softly, "...Master, could I borrow your storybooks to read?"

Yun Shuchen was silent for a moment. "Go ahead and read."

Then she added, "Just for amusement; don't believe everything wholeheartedly."

Qing Zhouxue acknowledged with a yes, and somewhat clumsily opened that hidden compartment. She picked a book at random from a pile of variously titled novels, intending to make a quick retreat, since her master's expression didn't look particularly welcoming.

Yun Shuchen glanced from the corner of her eye and her head ached even more. Whether it was heaven opposing her, Qing Zhouxue had to pick the very book, "Overstepping Beneath," and left very quickly.

She opened her mouth, but could only watch that white dress disappear into the night.

Could she really stop her?

Since she had already agreed to lend it, going back on her word now would be bad. If she told her disciple that these few books were the only ones she shouldn't read, wouldn't that be... even more a cover-up.

Yun Shuchen withdrew her gaze and simply pretended not to have seen it.

Before her, the divination, due to her agitated heart, scattered into formlessness the moment Qing Zhouxue closed the door. Yun Shuchen sighed softly, her mind involuntarily recalling several classic scenes from that book.

If her disciple were to ask why she had such novels, she might have to say that Yue Changge had forced them on her. But Qing Zhouxue didn't seem so inconsiderate; if she knew—she would surely act as if nothing had happened.

She probably wouldn't ask, would she.