Chapter 81
Outside the window, the sound of rain started up again—another night shower. Yun Shuchen could barely make out her silhouette. But Qing Zhouxue was pressed close, and even without looking or thinking, Yun Shuchen couldn't help noticing things. Her hand, as usual, rested on her disciple's waist, then drifted down unconsciously, stroking the side of her body—from the hollow of her lower back to the gentle swell below. She opened her eyes in the dark, then closed them, her hand tracing back up. Qing Zhouxue stirred as if tickled, and simply pressed even closer. Yun Shuchen's fingers curled involuntarily, catching the thin fabric at her waist, as if to push away, yet it came across as an ambiguous tug of resistance. In the end, she froze in that position, motionless.
"Master?" Unaware, Qing Zhouxue, hearing her master's silence, whispered, "Are you asleep?"
How could she possibly sleep? The heat within her was on the verge of collapse, like floodwaters at the edge of a cliff, ready to spill over and drown all reason. And her disciple, so ignorant of desire, leaned gently in her embrace, utterly unguarded, laying bare her heart and soul as if offering herself to be plucked.
Yun Shuchen took a shallow breath and let it out heavily. The love poison in her meridians, heavily suppressed, had begun to cause a faint ache throughout her body—slight at first, but it spread to her chest, brewing into an unnameable sourness.
"No," she tried to keep her voice steady, "though love and desire spring from the same root, they cannot be conflated. Those things—like pressing together, doing what's done in those storybooks—setting aside everything else, can only be called desire. Each person's nature differs; some move from love to desire, some from desire to love. Others have no feelings at all, simply pursuing pleasure."
"Then my feelings toward you, Master—I always want to stay close to you," Qing Zhouxue asked softly, "which kind is that?"
The figure beside her stirred, and Qing Zhouxue suddenly felt her hand being held.
"I..." Her palm was teased by her master's fingers, then gripped tightly. "I permit you to try."
Her voice carried a suppressed bitterness, but the words were spoken calmly and deliberately, like a gift thrown casually from the heights, a boon granted to the kneeling disciple below.
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"Is this what you crave? Hmm?"
A flash of lightning flickered outside the window, but Qing Zhouxue had forgotten her fear; she quietly savored the graceful curves beneath her hand. In that brief moment of light, she saw Yun Shuchen's eyes, misty and clouded, as moving as a flower reflected in water. Her heartstrings were plucked, her hands weak and limp, everything under her master's control.
"Or perhaps..." Yun Shuchen embraced her with one arm again, stroking her waist and back, then pressed a hand over her heart, "is it this?" Her heart was loosely pressed by a finger; though her master used no force, it gave her a stifling feeling of being bound by green vines. She couldn't breathe. A strange yet familiar sensation was awakened.
"That day in the trial's illusion..." she stared blankly at Yun Shuchen, "what I dreamed... seemed like this."
"Hmm?" Yun Shuchen was startled, lowering her eyes, her cheeks faintly burning. She had dreamed of such a scene? Fortunately, she hadn't pressed her disciple about it then, or the girl would have blurted it out, causing great embarrassment in broad daylight. She also felt an unavoidable pang of sourness, her hand pausing at Qing Zhouxue's lower back, and asked in a low voice, "Then in your dream, how far did you go with that so-called phantom?"
"Just like now," Qing Zhouxue leaned closer, reaching out to find the corner of her lips, touching it, "and then, like this." Yun Shuchen's breath tightened, her heart softening into a puddle; after a moment, she wanted to laugh. This kiss was truly cautious, as if Qing'er was afraid that pressing harder might break her. Little coward. Indeed, she hadn't done anything substantial even in the illusion. Unable to resist, she pressed her down a little.
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Qing Zhouxue relished such sensations. The day she jumped off the cliff and was first carried back to Heyi Peak by her master, she had likely rested her head in this same spot; the vaguely familiar fragrance reminded her of some long-lost tenderness. But now it was more than that. A place in her chest began to throb with accumulating force, each beat striking painfully.
The sound of rain outside had ceased at some point, and moonlight slipped through the clouds, splashing a cold white glow across the window. Yun Shuchen unconsciously stroked Qing Zhouxue's lower back, and in her daze, she lifted her eyes; in the dim moonlight, her heart stirred, and she could not help but ask softly, "Is Qing'er's heart bound to me?"
But Qing Zhouxue suddenly stopped, lying quietly in her embrace, "Master, when I hear others or read in books about this word, it brings joy or sorrow, waves of emotion or bitter ache. But I don't understand," she rested her head, thoughtful, "I don't know how happy I am, nor am I that sad. But I like being close to you; it makes me feel at ease."
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Qing Zhouxue's heart pounded painfully beneath her skin. When she raised her head again, her breathing was already completely disordered.
The sound of rain outside had ceased at some point, and moonlight slipped through the clouds, splashing a cold white glow across the window. Yun Shuchen unconsciously stroked Qing Zhouxue's lower back, and in her daze, she lifted her eyes; in the dim moonlight, her heart stirred, and she could not help but ask softly, "Now do you understand? Is Qing'er's heart bound to me?"
But Qing Zhouxue's kisses stopped abruptly; she lay quietly against her, "Master, when I hear others or read in books about this word, it brings joy or sorrow, waves of emotion or bitter ache. But I don't understand," she rested her head, thoughtful, "I don't know how happy I am, nor am I that sad. But I like being close to you; it makes me feel at ease."
Yun Shuchen's body stiffened suddenly. Silently, she clenched her hands; the tide of passion within her hung midair, unresolved. Her breathing was ragged, her thoughts scattered. ...Why? She lay blankly on the bed, suddenly feeling that the passion and intimacy just now had all become a ridiculous affair. Had she forced her? Qing'er might not be completely ignorant, but perhaps simply didn't like her and, feeling pressured because she was someone close, could only refuse with such words. Would she come to like someone else in the future? Hadn't she, as a child, said she liked her master? Hadn't she wanted to stay on Heyi Peak forever? Why was it that those she wished to keep never stayed in her grasp?
Yun Shuchen's thoughts ran far, recalling old memories; her fingers gradually tightened. Amid complex emotions, a trace of grievance quietly rose, then turned to coldness. She thought many things, ideas popping up one by one—clearly absurd conjectures, but she could not stop speculating. She hadn't realized when her possessiveness toward the disciple before her had grown so great—she gradually could not accept, could not tolerate the possibility of her leaving. Any. As for the claim of emotional indifference, Yun Shuchen hadn't taken it to heart before, thinking it was due to her disciple's Ice Spiritual Root, her isolated way of life, and little communication with others, hence limited emotional fluctuation. But toward herself... how could it be so? Now it seemed she absolutely had to get to the bottom of it.
*
Today was not the appointed day for fetching medicine, yet Yun Shuchen made a trip to Lingsu Peak. Lingsu Peak was still lush and green as in years past, but today it was less quiet. From above, tiny figures like grains of rice were clustered at the entrance of the Medicine Immortal's pharmacy, arguing about something. As the senior disciple, Bai Su, along with a few junior disciples, blocked those people. Initially, they tried gentle persuasion, but when the outsiders became unreasonable and insisted on forcing their way in, she even had to draw her defensive sword.
Yun Shuchen stepped down from the clouds and walked over slowly.
"Treasures and goods are all fine," a young man almost knelt to Bai Su, his face streaked with tears, "I beg you, let us in, let us see Medicine Immortal Liu once, to save my elder brother!" Despite his earnest pleading, complete with kneeling and kowtows, Bai Su sighed and helped him up, "You should return. My master established a rule many years ago: she will not treat any disciples of the four great cultivation families—Liu, Chen, Xu, and Gu. This includes us as her own disciples; we cannot break that old precedent." Bai Su returned a bow to him, "Over the years, countless disciples from those four families have come seeking medicine, but my master has indeed never broken the rule. The longer you linger here, the worse it will be for that young man; perhaps you should find another way?"
"We are all colleagues in the cultivation world; she, Liu Xunqin, also came from a famous family. Does she not live up to the Liu surname?" A middle-aged man, eyes red, clenched his fists, turned to glance at the pale youth carried by others, and finally could not help but scold, "Another way—if this Nine-turn Soul-returning Grass were not extinct elsewhere, and only available on the grounds of Taichu Sect's Lingsu Peak! Would we be kneeling and kowtowing at her door like this? A person so indifferent to human life, how can she deserve the title of Medicine Immortal? What has Taichu Sect come to now?"
Yun Shuchen had stood aside listening for a while, roughly understanding the gist. As she walked over, she chuckled lightly, "I truly must be blind; this doesn't look like the demeanor of a noble family, but rather a few village ruffians barking at our feet. Junior Disciple Bai, don't make a mistake and delay his life—that would be unfortunate." Bai Su was stunned, but a few of her junior junior sisters couldn't help snickering, "Elder Yun speaks truly." With that, Yun Shuchen ignored the curses behind her and went straight through the formation around the pharmacy.
Liu Xunqin sat with a calm expression, her gaze fixed intently on a small flame within the alchemy furnace. The heat was crucial during alchemy; she needed to check from time to time, but this batch was almost done. She sensed some disturbance at the formation—it was Yun Shuchen arriving—but she did not turn around. Yun Shuchen had been her fellow disciple for years and knew her temperament well, so she did not disturb her. Only when the flame died did Liu Xunqin finally shift her gaze and turn around, asking, "What is it?"
"Those few outside, noisy and rowdy—I can hear them from here," Yun Shuchen curled her lips, "don't you find it irritating?"
"Not really." She took out her pipe and took a draw, releasing a wisp of white smoke carrying a light herbal fragrance as she spoke, "A few years ago, their cursing was perhaps more colorful. Lately, they seem to have run out of creativity."
"After all... the matter of your mother-in-law's death," Yun Shuchen let out an almost inaudible sigh, "those who still hold it close are only you and me."
"It's not about holding a grudge," Liu Xunqin remained indifferent, "It's just that I established that rule back then; there's no need to change it." She looked at Yun Shuchen and asked again, "These old matters are past. What brings you here?"
"For my disciple," she said with a light sigh.
"Qing Zhouxue?" Liu Xunqin asked, "With her special constitution, what illness could she have?"
"It's not an illness."
"That silly girl—doesn't she donate half a bowl of blood to you every year?" Yun Shuchen smiled, "And she told you not to tell me? It's just that she's too young to act well."
"If you wish to study it, go ahead," Liu Xunqin glanced at her, "as long as you can keep her lively and kicking, I won't stop you." Liu Xunqin cleared her throat, "Hm."
"She seems somewhat emotionally indifferent by nature," Yun Shuchen frowned slightly, "At first I thought it might be due to the Ice Spiritual Root, but upon reflection, her cultivation isn't that high yet, not to the point where the spiritual root affects her temperament. Do you have any insight on this, Sister? Is it innate, or..."
"It's not innate," Liu Xunqin answered quickly, "Her Emotion Root is incomplete; that's why."
This time it was Yun Shuchen's turn to freeze in place, "Incomplete Emotion Root? Why didn't you tell me before?"
"You never asked," Liu Xunqin gave her a strange look.
"..."
An incomplete Emotion Root. So what Qing'er had said was not false. So she truly was... truly lacking in that regard. A chill crept into Yun Shuchen's heart, and she suddenly grasped Liu Xunqin's wrist, "How severe is the deficiency? Is there any way for it to regenerate?"
Master's darkening progress bar has begun.