Nightmare

[Some Content May Be Uncomfortable—Read with Caution]

Some things had been deeply ingrained in Jiang Xu's mind since childhood. Her early years were always tinged with gray—no vibrant colors, no laughter or song.

Jiang Xu learned to be alone from a very young age. Silence was all she knew. But even she had her limits.

She couldn't remember when it started, but the only man in the house who had ever smiled at her kindly began looking at her with a gaze that made her feel disgusted and confused.

Jiang Xu was terrified from the bottom of her heart. For a long time, she insisted on sleeping with Wang Cai, but the man still followed her like a shadow.

Jiang Daguo hit her, yelled at her, and all she could do was cry dry tears. Wang Cai hadn't dared to defy Jiang Daguo at first, but when she saw how pitifully Jiang Xu cried, after getting beaten black and blue by Jiang Daguo herself, she insisted on sleeping with Jiang Xu.

Back then, Jiang Xu was still small and didn't have her own room. At first, she shared a room with Jiang Lun. Wang Cai had dragged in a bunk bed someone had discarded and set it up in the room—Jiang Lun slept on the left, she on the right.

When Jiang Lun was in elementary school, he liked to bully her, making her cry her eyes out all day. When Jiang Daguo got annoyed, he'd refuse to give her food, and Wang Cai, under his pressure, could only comply—though she secretly brought her something to eat.

Not only that, Jiang Lun sometimes tossed her scraps of food too. Back then, Jiang Xu thought Jiang Lun might turn out to be a good brother.

It wasn't until Jiang Lun reached middle school that he began showing more and more obvious disgust toward her, always saying she was disgusting, and that Wang Cai was disgusting too.

Now that he was older, he bullied her without scruples. He even dared to order Wang Cai around and say terrible things to her.

Wang Cai never argued back. She could only cry silently.

At that time, little Jiang Xu wasn't even as tall as the table. She stepped in front of Wang Cai, hissing like a cornered kitten, glaring fiercely at Jiang Lun: "I won't let you scold Mom!"

Her voice was babyish, but it carried a fearless, newborn-calf bravado.

Jiang Lun had shot up like a weed in middle school. His features closely resembled Jiang Daguo's, especially when he bared his teeth in anger—they were practically identical. But Jiang Xu wasn't afraid of him. When she saw Wang Cai being bullied like that, she wasn't afraid of anything.

What she couldn't understand was why Jiang Lun was so mean to their mother. Being good to Mom seemed like an instinct you were born with. Ever since Jiang Xu had become aware, she knew she had to be good to Mom. Why wasn't Jiang Lun the same?

Her little head couldn't figure out many things yet. Wang Cai tugged at her frantically, but Jiang Xu just glared at Jiang Lun, fuming.

Jiang Lun, now a middle schooler, was not only tall but also had a much worse temper. He grabbed her clothes like she was a chick and flung her to the ground. It was the first time Jiang Xu felt that this nominal brother of hers had the same immense strength as Jiang Daguo—the kind that could leave you in pain for days. Fear flashed through her.

Wang Cai cried out in terror: "Jiang Lun, she's your little sister!"

Jiang Lun practically lifted her off the ground, ready to slam her down hard. Jiang Xu heard his labored breathing as he strained, and with her eyes squeezed shut, she bit down hard on Jiang Lun's arm.

In the end, Jiang Xu was still thrown to the ground. Her body hurt so much that tears streamed down her face and her complexion turned pale.

But Jiang Lun didn't get off easy either.

There was blood at the corner of Jiang Xu's mouth. She'd bitten Jiang Lun's arm hard enough to draw blood. Jiang Lun was furious, and he suddenly kicked out. Jiang Xu closed her eyes and braced for the impact. She thought she might be kicked to death. If she really had sharp teeth like a wolf, she would have torn a chunk of flesh off Jiang Lun to avenge her mother.

Whoosh!

That kick landed squarely on Wang Cai's lower back. Jiang Xu saw Wang Cai's face twist in pain.

From then on, Wang Cai developed a chronic backache. The spine that had once always stood so straight was gradually bent, little by little, from that day on. Wang Cai held her back, gasping for breath: "Jiang Xu, be good. Don't cause trouble."

Her first act of defiance in life had earned Wang Cai a permanent disability. In the following days, Jiang Lun's attitude did improve, as if nothing had ever happened. He even said with a hint of feigned guilt: "I'm so much older than my little sister. Why would I stoop to her level..."

Jiang Xu hated him deeply. She no longer accepted any of his petty favors.

It was when Jiang Xu sensed danger that she discovered the filthy books and magazines hidden under Jiang Lun's bed.

The covers showed lewd women. Jiang Lun had grown up, and so had Jiang Xu. She shouldn't be sharing a room with him anymore.

One night, Jiang Xu had a nightmare. Her body was covered in sticky sweat, and beside her, something like a furnace was baking her. In summer, with all the mosquitoes, a faint breeze was hardly enough to help. Jiang Xu often woke up in the middle of the night from the heat. The only fan, which was about to fall apart, was mostly pointed at Jiang Lun.

Jiang Xu felt the fan blowing on her as she curled up, moving as far as she could from the furnace-like thing beside her. Behind her, she heard a rustling sound.

Jiang Xu felt as if someone had lain down next to her. She snapped her eyes open and saw a wriggling dark shadow on the wall. Trembling, she turned around and met a pair of eyes burning as bright as fire.

Jiang Lun was drenched in sweat, wearing only a white undershirt. A strong, pungent smell made Jiang Xu want to vomit. The thing like a furnace was Jiang Lun's body. He propped himself up on his arm, looking her up and down.

"Shh." He stared at her, both guilt-ridden and restless. "Don't wake them up. Little sister, you just—"

Jiang Xu, in terror, pushed him away with all her might. Jiang Lun fell off the bed, furious: "Jiang Xu! You little bastard!!"

Her instincts had been right. She leaped off the bed like she was facing a formidable enemy, falling and bruising her nose and face in the process. But Jiang Lun grabbed her leg with one hand. Jiang Xu's heart stopped. She struggled weakly, then was roughly dragged back into the darkness.

Jiang Lun sneered: "Actually, you and I... we don't share a single drop of blood."

Jiang Xu heard nothing. She had never been this scared in her life. There were things in this world more terrifying than being beaten by Jiang Daguo. She kept struggling, but Jiang Lun's disgusting scent inched closer and closer.

Jiang Xu cried out from her throat: "Help!" But her mouth was suddenly covered, and not a single sound could escape. Her eyes bulged as she stared at the crack in the door, barely able to breathe.

Tears rolled endlessly from the corners of her eyes. The difference in strength between men and women was a physiological reality. No matter how much Jiang Xu resisted, she couldn't fight off Jiang Lun. No one could understand despair better than Jiang Xu did at that moment.

Just as she was about to give up, a thin, stooped figure at the crack of the door gave her a sliver of hope.

"Mmm..." The sound from her throat turned into sobs. She desperately reached out with her hand, afraid that the figure would just walk away. Jiang Lun seemed afraid she'd resist, so he clamped his hand over her mouth even harder: "If you dare say a word, you'll be sorry!"

She could barely breathe, and all she could do was stare at the crack in the door.

Tears welled up more and more. The shadow outside the door gradually faded from view. Jiang Xu was at the brink of despair. But then, that deep black shadow shoved the door open.

"What are you two doing!"

Moonlight seeped in through the chipped window, bit by bit. Jiang Xu saw fragmented glimmers of light and, through them, a familiar face. The weight on her lifted, and someone grabbed her arm, helping her up.

"Jiang Lun...!" It was a familiar voice, tinged with anger. "Jiang Xu is—"

Jiang Lun had already retreated to the head of the bed, his face flushed and uncomfortable. When he saw Wang Cai frowning at him, he said viciously: "If you dare tell my dad, I won't let either of you off!"

Jiang Xu gasped for air, her body so weak it barely held itself up, relying on Wang Cai's arm for support.

Wang Cai's grip on her own arm was so tight that her nails dug into her own flesh, her whole body trembling with rage. Jiang Xu felt like she could finally lean on Wang Cai. Wang Cai had saved her.

What had just happened left her shaken. She was still trembling, her legs still weak. Maybe because Wang Cai was there, she started crying belatedly, her small hand clutching Wang Cai's tightly, grabbing on like a lifeline.

Wang Cai pulled her downstairs. As they descended, Jiang Xu managed to stifle her sobs. The mountain was silent, and the sound of her sniffling was so obvious. Jiang Xu leaned against Wang Cai, hoping she wouldn't abandon her again. But then—

A sharp slap.

Her cheek burned hot. Jiang Xu had been hit before, but never by Wang Cai. Not once in her whole life. She stood there, dazed. The main room had gaps everywhere, letting the night wind blow cold against her spine. She touched her numbed cheek.

Wang Cai crouched down to eye level with her. The moonlight through the window reflected her own lingering fear. "Why did you have to provoke him! If I hadn't come, then you... you..." As she spoke, Wang Cai couldn't hold back her sobs. She pulled Jiang Xu into a tight hug, burying her face in Jiang Xu's shoulder, crying until her clothes were soaked. "It's Mom's fault! It's Mom's fault... I didn't take care of you... Jiang Xu... Jiang Xu... what is Mom supposed to do..."

At eight years old, Jiang Xu wasn't one to hold grudges. After all, Wang Cai was the only one in the family who cared about her.

She had never seen Wang Cai cry so heartbreakingly. She felt sad too, wrapping her small arms around her mother and patting her back gently, just as Wang Cai had done when she was a baby: "Mom, don't cry. Don't cry."

After that night, she never shared a room with Jiang Lun again. Wang Cai, enduring Jiang Daguo's curses, moved Jiang Xu's bed into their room and partitioned off a small space just big enough for a bed.

Every night when she went to sleep, Jiang Xu could hear Jiang Daguo's thunderous snoring. Lying on her side, she could smell the mold and decay of the old house. The cramped space was truly stifling, but Jiang Xu never again felt that heart-stopping terror.

Jiang Daguo once asked Jiang Xu why she wanted to switch rooms. Wang Cai said nothing. He went to ask Jiang Lun, who simply said he hated sharing a room with Jiang Xu. Jiang Daguo then cursed Jiang Xu again for being a jinx that no one could stand.

It wasn't until Jiang Lun went to college that Jiang Xu understood why Wang Cai had slapped her that time—it was because she was ashamed of her. She also came to believe, subjectively, that she must have done something to make Jiang Lun treat her that way.

Of course, she could never tell Jiang Daguo the truth. Jiang Lun rarely came home now, and Wang Cai had set up a separate room for her. She had grown up, and her relationship with Wang Cai had grown distant.

She realized that Wang Cai might not see her as a daughter, and she also realized that half the reason Jiang Daguo treated her so badly was simply because she was Jiang Xu.

The night was quiet, and the night wind still crept in from some corner, cold enough to jolt Jiang Xu back to the present. She pulled the covers up higher and discovered, to her surprise, that the bottom quilt was new. Old quilts and new quilts were different. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she ran her hand over the sheets and found them softer than before too.

Not just the quilt—the sheets had been replaced with new ones as well.

Jiang Xu didn't know if she was sad or happy. She remembered what Jiang Daguo and Wang Cai had said—

Jiang Lun was coming home.

Jiang Lun's return was the time when her nerves were most taut. Jiang Lun, now a college student, had changed. His eyes were on top of his head, looking down on Jiang Daguo, on Wang Cai, and of course, on her even more. Especially since they all shared a tacit understanding of that unspeakable incident, Jiang Lun always wore an expression like he'd just swallowed a fly—contemptuous, disdainful.

Jiang Xu had therefore found a way to calm her own heart. When Jiang Lun came home, they lived like strangers, not bothering each other. But that experience was too horrifying; it had become an indelible shadow in her heart. The only time she felt truly at ease was when she stayed at Liang Xiaoqing's house.

Her eyes, fixed on the wooden door, blinked twice. Something in the darkness glinted. Jiang Xu's gaze found the shining object. She touched it with her hand—round, hard, with something at the top that pricked her fingers slightly. She rubbed it carefully.

Then she remembered: it was the hair clip Liang Xiaoqing had given her. The crystal on the clip was glowing. Jiang Xu had forgotten to leave it at Liang Xiaoqing's house.

She didn't say it out loud, but she really did love the hair clip Liang Xiaoqing had given her. She clutched it tightly in her palm, and it felt like a source of strength, as if Liang Xiaoqing were still right beside her.

Sleeping together, their bodies trading warmth, until they both sank into a deep sleep. To a large extent, the immense mental pressure Jiang Xu felt tonight was soothed by the hair clip Liang Xiaoqing had given her.

She glanced at the door, then placed the hair clip close to her heart, curled up, and lay back down. The palpitations gradually faded with time.

Jiang Xu calmed down, entering a relaxed state, her eyelids growing heavy and slowly drooping. Wrapped in those distant memories, Jiang Xu curled up and drifted into sleep, silent, without a sound.

Suddenly, the tightly shut door boomed with a thud. The wooden stick propped against it shifted slightly.

Jiang Xu jolted awake, springing up from the bed.