Confession: Had She Done Wrong

It had finally come. Jiang Xu asked, knowing full well the answer: "What's the matter, Sister Xiaoqing?"

Liang Xiaoqing paused, looking at Jiang Xu. She suddenly didn't know how to begin. Learning about Jiang Xu's choice of application had left her deeply conflicted. Yang Man had pleaded with her earnestly to make Jiang Xu reconsider. She had sighed, then looked at Liang Xiaoqing again, and said in a joking tone, "Isn't this kid Jiang Xu a little too clingy to you? Xiaoqing, I advise you to let her go to the county high school. After all, you have your own life to live."

She patted Liang Xiaoqing's hand. "You're not young anymore."

Liang Xiaoqing almost had a reflexive reaction to such things; she couldn't help but adopt a defensive posture. In front of Yang Man, she could barely maintain her composure, stiffly indicating that she understood.

Coming out of Yang Man's office, she had been thinking about Jiang Xu's application the whole time. She sat on the sofa that caught the sun in the living room, even forgetting to turn on the fan. When she came to her senses, the sky was completely dark, and her body was covered in cold sweat. There was no time left to pick up Jiang Xu.

What was worse, she had no idea how to face Jiang Xu.

The speaker was careless, but the listener took it to heart. Liang Xiaoqing felt numb, but fortunately she still maintained her composure. When Jiang Xu returned home, she acted the same as before. Observing Jiang Xu's state and finding it acceptable, she planned to counsel Jiang Xu like an elder.

"I know about your application." She paused, looking into Jiang Xu's eyes. Jiang Xu stared back motionlessly. Liang Xiaoqing said, "What made you change your choice?" They had agreed on it last time.

"There's no particular reason." Jiang Xu eventually averted her gaze. Holding the empty milk glass, she lowered her head, her fingers fidgeting, turning the glass slightly—a posture of admitting some fault. "...My choice has never actually changed."

What followed was even less confident.

Liang Xiaoqing was silent for a long time, looking at her seemingly calm but actually stubborn expression. She had just organized many words to persuade Jiang Xu, but at this moment, they stuck in her throat. "..."

"You'll regret this, Xiaoxu." Liang Xiaoqing took the glass from her hand. Jiang Xu jerked her head up, meeting her gaze. Liang Xiaoqing saw in her eyes something suppressed, something uncontrollable. That look seemed to carry a burning heat, falling on Liang Xiaoqing and making her feel at a loss. If she looked any longer, beneath those calm black eyes there was something even harder to understand.

Liang Xiaoqing was truly scorched. She looked away, gazing out the window. Outside was pitch black, only a faint moonlight shrouded in mist drifting in. The night wind cooled her cheeks. She turned her gaze back to Jiang Xu, who was again hanging her head like before, not looking at her, fiddling with her fingers.

Liang Xiaoqing was somewhat angry. She could indulge Jiang Xu in everything else—those were minor matters, after all, since Jiang Xu was still young. But Jiang Xu's current behavior gave her no sense of her attitude at all. What Jiang Xu presented was a casual, careless demeanor.

Liang Xiaoqing frowned slightly, her expression turning stern. "Jiang Xu."

Jiang Xu looked up. This time, she knew why—because of the way she was addressed. The girl's eyes no longer held that unbearable flicker from before; her deep black pupils, lit by the lamp, were bright and clear, looking innocent and pure. Liang Xiaoqing kept her face stern, appearing even more serious, which made her presence tower over Jiang Xu's.

When necessary, she had to exert some pressure; she couldn't just indulge endlessly. She couldn't let her heart soften just because of Jiang Xu's expression. Jiang Xu was still a child; sometimes she couldn't be fully responsible for her own choices, which of course required adult intervention.

She said firmly, though her tone remained as gentle as ever, "I don't care what you think. Your application must be changed to the county high school. This is not up for discussion."

She got up to wash the glass.

She knew this would upset Jiang Xu. If she could, she wouldn't want to handle it this way.

Jiang Xu realized she had touched a line that Liang Xiaoqing would not cross. The more forbidden, the more a voice inside her rebelled, clamoring. She also stood up, her emotions surging—as if Liang Xiaoqing's refusal had given her some kind of strength.

"No, I won't apply to the county high school. I'll only apply to Shuiqing Middle School." Jiang Xu shouted at Liang Xiaoqing's retreating back. The figure heading toward the kitchen faltered. Jiang Xu felt a vague fear; amid her agitation, a shred of reason remained. She knew Sister Xiaoqing would be hurt. She had angered her. But the thought of studying so far away made her feel even worse—especially knowing that Sister Xiaoqing didn't have the same feelings for her that she had for Sister Xiaoqing.

Not even a trace.

Those who never experienced warmth as children can't feel secure. No matter how good someone is to them, they never truly believe that affection belongs to them alone. She was afraid Sister Xiaoqing would forget her, stop caring for her the way she did now. In her heart, nothing was more important than Sister Xiaoqing.

She suppressed her feelings painfully while trying to maintain her studies, because she knew no one could accept such feelings. Her feelings for Sister Xiaoqing were dirty, against ethics. She suffered while enjoying Sister Xiaoqing's meticulous care; she was clear-headed while sinking deeper. She was anxious and insecure, suppressing her heart desperately, yet she still didn't know how to handle these feelings properly.

She even had a gut feeling that if Sister Xiaoqing ever learned of these thoughts, she would surely leave her.

She held on painfully, trying to keep things as they were. She thought she could bear it, but she had overestimated herself. This feeling pressed down on her until she couldn't breathe; she was worried and fearful all the time.

Jiang Xu's chest heaved violently. When emotions overwhelm reason, logic cannot prevail. Her mind almost crashed, yet she felt she had never been this clear-headed. She practically accused his retreating back: "I hate Wang Qing! And I hate Yang Man even more! I don't like them hanging around you. I don't want to leave you. I don't want you to forget me... I..." Jiang Xu's body trembled. All the pent-up emotions emptied out in an instant, leaving her feeling weightless. She panted rapidly. "Don't think I don't know. You clearly sensed I was different. You clearly know what I mean, but..."

"You still chose to ignore me, to push me away." Jiang Xu couldn't help but cry, her voice shaking. "...I hate you." How could that be... She would hate herself before she ever hated Liang Xiaoqing. Jiang Xu had simply been suppressing it for too long, unable to find an outlet. She wanted Sister Xiaoqing to understand her meaning, but she was also afraid that once she understood, she would distance herself even more.

She planned to endure until the day she could bear the consequences, but she was only a fifteen-year-old girl. The thoughts she thought she'd hidden well were easily discovered—that expression of seeing through everything but pretending not to know was what stung her.

Jiang Xu was clever and observant. That was why she had noticed the subtle changes in Sister Xiaoqing's behavior toward her.

She could no longer hold back her tears. Jiang Xu sobbed, her vision blurring, the silhouette before her rippling like water. Her hands had clenched into fists at some point, as if that could give her courage. The words spoken, her fists loosened; the weight she had kept in her heart, which had indeed caused her great turmoil, dissolved with her tears.

At that moment, strength surged through her entire body. She walked toward that silhouette, step by step, then almost ran, crashing into Liang Xiaoqing's back. She wrapped her arms around her, trembling, not daring to exert much force. She was afraid of seeing Sister Xiaoqing make an ugly expression, afraid of seeing disappointment in her eyes, afraid of seeing her recoil. She who had finally mustered her courage was approaching Liang Xiaoqing step by step.

She was afraid those actions would make her lose the courage to run toward her.

She couldn't utter a single word. She had just managed to control her tears moments ago, and now they flowed endlessly, making "wah wah" sounds like a pitiful little animal. She could feel the stiffness in Liang Xiaoqing's spine. Her tears fell on her back, soaking her clothes. She rubbed against her reluctantly, sinking even deeper without cause.

She was afraid Sister Xiaoqing would make a move; if so, it would be better for her to make one first.

Jiang Xu didn't yet know how audacious it was to entrust one's true heart to another person, because then one no longer had the right to dispose of it oneself.

She cried for a while, then felt Liang Xiaoqing's spine relax, becoming soft like water, just as when she leaned against her normally. This subtle change even stirred a flicker of excitement and surprise in Jiang Xu.

Was Sister Xiaoqing accepting her? Or was she just feeling helpless about it?

Either way, Jiang Xu felt it was an unexpected blessing.

As long as she didn't push her away.

"Rumble—"

Suddenly a gale rose outside the window, bending the trees this way and that. Leaves churned in the wind, disturbing the darkness. Thunder rolled, followed by several flashes of lightning. Cold light reflected on Liang Xiaoqing's face. Her eyes moved faintly, as if lifeless, and a tear slid down her cheek.

Forgotten memories surged at her again, like a knife stabbing deep into her.

A woman who bore a resemblance to her, crying as if she might break: "How could I, Yang Chunhua, have given birth to a daughter like you!"

"You've disgraced the Liang family!" A middle-aged man with graying temples scolded her painfully, nearly fainting with rage. "From now on, I'll act as if I never had a daughter like you!"

Yang Chunhua cried and tried to stop her. That day, thunder and lightning had raged, rain poured down. The middle-aged woman was pushed to her wits' end: "Hurry up and apologize to your father!"

Back then, she was young and naive, with a fearless, passionate heart. She clenched her fist and said, "I merely loved someone. What did I do wrong!"

"Slap!" Liang Zhongde slapped her hard. "Get out!!"

That slap still stung even now when she remembered it. She turned around, her hands trembling, and in her heart, she suddenly understood her parents a little better—just as she looked at Jiang Xu's stubborn, unrepentant expression.

Even if she said something, what would change?

Liang Xiaoqing felt a chill of sorrow in her heart, beginning to question her own choices.

The days spent together had instead given rise to feelings that shouldn't exist.

Had she done wrong?

Liang Xiaoqing broke free of the embrace, stepping away from Jiang Xu. The lightning outside cast a cold white glow on her face, making her seem much colder.

Expressionless, she said, "Jiang Xu, if you still think of me as your Sister Xiaoqing, then change your application."